


Dying is Easy. Living is Difficult.

by TheReviewess



Series: Heroics Run In The Family [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angry Leliana, Bad Jokes, F/F, Faenra Has Her Mother's Temper, Family Issues, Mother-Daughter Relationship, mentions of suicidal ideations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 06:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16550309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReviewess/pseuds/TheReviewess
Summary: After the formation of The Inquisition, secrets come out.or, Faenra inherited her mother's dark humor and accidentally learns something she probably didn't want to know.





	Dying is Easy. Living is Difficult.

“How are you?” Leliana asked her once the pomp and fanfare went down after the formation of the Inquisition. Faenra had walked into Leliana's tent in the late afternoon, taking a seat on an empty spot on the table. If anyone else had seen how casual the Herald was being with the Spymaster, they didn't comment (a wise choice).

“Well I kind of want to crawl in a hole and die,” Faenra answered honestly. “Do you think that's an option?”

“Dying would be the coward's way out,” Leliana told her sagely. “But it is good to see that you and your mother have a similar sense of humor when times are getting hard.”

Faenra ignored the comparison between her and her mother. Normally she didn't like it when other people compared the two of them. But this was Leliana and she of all people was able to get away with it. Shema did what Shema wanted.

“The coward's way out?”

Leliana glanced up from her paperwork, briefly. One finely manicured brow was raised, silently judging the young Herald. “Dying is easy, Faenra. Living is difficult.” She put her papers down and brushed her hair from her eyes. “And you should not make such jokes. They are most unbecoming for a lady.”

“When did I become a lady? I thought I was just a filthy Dalish.”

In return, Faenra was gifted with a glare that could kill a man. Thankfully, Faenra was not a man, and she might have been on the receiving end of that glare more times than she cared to admit.

“What! Ma- She makes jokes like that all the time!” The young woman protested weakly. Her mother definitely had an odd sense humor. It had grown much darker as time went on, and Faenra seemed to adopt it.

“She makes jokes because she has been there. It’s how she copes.” Leliana told her with a growl.

Hold up. New information! What? “Been there? Copes? What do you mean?” Fae asked, eyes narrowing as she rose to her feet.

Then it occurred to Leliana what she actually said. Flushing, she turned her head away and kept silent. It was unlike the Spymaster to give up secrets so easily, and without realizing. But she supposed that her adoptive daughter was her weakness. That would be the end of her if any one else found out that little tidbit of information. 

“Are you saying she wanted to kill herself?” Faenra whispered in shock.

“We didn't want you to find out,” Leliana mumbled, unfortunately Faenra had great hearing thanks to her elf ears, and heard every word. “You already worry about her more than what is healthy.”

“Uh. Because she almost dies on a regular basis! I think I have ever right to worry about my last living–” She didn’t get to finish her statement, as Leliana covered her mouth quickly. 

The human’s hold on the young woman was astonishing. Try as she might, Fae could not find the strength to throw her off… And if the elf really thought about it, she didn’t want to know why her Shema was so strong. She was already scarred for life and didn’t need to damage her brain anymore.

“I am going to let you go. You will not shout at me like nobody is listening. You will offer me the respect that I am due, and you will shut up and listen,” leliana hissed at the Herald. “Is that understood, Faenra?”

Fae gave her a thumbs up, and even with half her face covered, she seemed to look properly chastised. 

Sighing, Leliana let the elf go, and directed her to a place to sit. Once Fae was seated, Leliana leaned against her table, half sitting on it, while she stared at the elf perched on a box. There had always been a height difference between the two, but not it was much more pronounced. 

“Now, before I begin you must know that it was not an easy time during the Blight. We all suffered in our own ways, and some of us went down a darker path. One that most certainly would not have been conducive to living. After this darkness, if you will, passed over us. It was decided that we would not speak to you on this matter. Not until she was ready to disclose it herself. We never wish to burden you with such knowledge, as we wanted you to enjoy your life, without having to worry about this.” Leliana told her, being as vague as possible. After all, how could she know that she wasn’t being eavesdropped on. 

Thankfully, Faenra seemed to inherit some sort of smarts (decidedly not from her mother) and understood the hints that Leliana was dropping. But she was still and angry elf.

“Is she better?”

“That is hard to say. Matters like these come and go. Sometimes you can cover, but other times it will still haunt you. All one can do is learn how to deal with it. I believe she is fine, for now. But sometimes these things can change with the day. Even in a matter of hours. It is hard to know what brings on such thoughts.”

That was not the answer Faenra wanted to hear. Actually, that was the last thing she wanted to hear. “So you're telling me that there is a suicidal elf hero running around trying to save the world, again. And no one is with her to keep her from trying to kill herself should it strike her fancy. Is that what you’re saying?”

“Your faith in her is astounding.” Leliana replied impassively. She sounded almost sarcastic and that did nothing for Faenra’s worry. 

“I'm sorry that I'm worried about a woman who has history trying to kill herself! She is alone! Who knows what will happen when she's left to her own devices!”

“Now you know how I felt when two particular elveswent out on adventures.” The spymaster pointed out.

“That is all a whole different thing. They don't even compare!” Fae replied in an exasperated tone.

“That’s what you think.”

“How are you not worried right now?!” Faenra asked, her voice getting louder with every word,  “How can you sit here so nonchalantly and not even worried that she's going to off herself at first chance she's got!?”

That was not the right thing to say. In a blink of an eye the spymaster grasped the Herald by her clothes, yanking her up out of her seat, until they were eye to eye and nose to nose. Their foreheads pressed together and in that moment, Faenra knew she had gone too far. She was in trouble.

“I sit here nonchalantly because I have no choice. If I panic, if  _ either  _ of us panic, we lose what little support we have gained for the Inquisition and we will be put down before we can truly begin! I cannot risk showing my true emotions without risking the lives of others. A spymaster must not show emotion, and a good one has to keep a level head. Just like in Orlais, people wear masks to hide their faces, I must wear a mask to hide my emotions.” Her voice was low, quiet, and it brought an uncomfortable chill to the elvish Herald. After her impassioned speech, Leliana shoved Faenra back into her seat, much more violently than she probably needed.

Stumbling back, Faenra actually looked and felt terrified. Over the years she had seen her Shema angry, but not like this. And it was never directed at her. Now she understood why her Mamae tended to fear Leliana and her wrath.

“Every time she leaves, I always worry that she will never come back. That I will get a note from the Wardens saying she had gone to the Deep Roads, or that someone found her dead along the side of a road with her own dagger sticking out of her chest. I pray for her everyday, just begging the Maker to not let her fall down that dark path again.” Leliana explained to the elf, barely keeping it together. “We have not told you much about the Blight, but believe me. It was for a good reason.”

Faenra nodded, realizing that she definitely crossed the line with that one.

“Sorry… I guess I’m still not good at controlling my temper.” Faenra mumbled, but loud enough for Leliana to hear her.

That brought a small smile to her Shema’s lips. “Trust me, I have dealt with far worse.” Leliana told her, referencing the Herald’s mother. “She was much worse than you. Still is if I am being honest.”

“I’m telling.” Faenra declared with a small grin.

That got a small laugh. 

The two stayed in each other’s company for a moment, just silent and lost in their thoughts before Leliana spoke.

“You know.” Leliana started, “I heard that Josie has some of that fancy cheese that you like. I am sure that with our powers combined, we might be able to convince her to part with some.”

Faenra’s eyes widened, “I knew I smelled cheese!”

Laughing, Leliana pulled the young elf into a tight embrace, letting her fingers run through familiar auburn hair.

“I am sorry for my outburst. I should not have been so aggressive with you.”

“I was out of line… I probably deserved it.”

That made Leliana laugh. Their embrace lasted a touch longer than what would be decent for two people who supposedly never met, but no one would dare say anything. After all, Leliana was scary.

"So... cheese..."

"Alright, let's go." Leliana laughed. Everything would be fine. It had to be fine.


End file.
